Using Life Coaching for Children to Increase Self Esteem and Reduce Bullying
While the nations are forging a more positive direction as it relates to the prevention of bullying, especially among Lesbian, Gay, Bi-Sexual and Transgender youth, the one thing that remains evident is the decline in the emotional well-being of these children during this process. Children have been left without emotional coping mechanisms with which to handle their feelings when they are being ostracized by their peers and sometimes even their siblings and family as a result of their choice in sexual orientation. Statistics reveal that there is an alarming rate of suicide among youth who have aligned themselves with an alternative lifestyle from the supposedly normal or straight community.
Information from bullystatistics.com indicates that although 25% of all students from elementary school age through high school students are the victims of bullying and harassment during the portion of the day that they are in an educational setting; those with gay and lesbian sexual orientations are two to three times more likely to commit suicide than other youths. Children experiencing some sort of sexual identity crisis constitute about 30% of the completed suicides among youth. The LGBT group reported that they are five times more likely to miss school and 28% of them feel forced to drop out of school as a result of being bullied.
The variety of school bullying prevention programs are mostly designed to provide a safe and supportive learning environment for children while in the care of the educational system at large. However, how do these bullying prevention programs fare when it comes to the individual emotional needs of the youth involved? How do we address the needs of the individual while continuing to erase the concepts of bullying? Could the lack of or low self esteem within children carry a determining variable in relation to bullying? According to Simply Psychology Children with low self-esteem rely on coping strategies that are counterproductive such as bullying, quitting, cheating, avoiding etc. Although all children will display some of these behaviors at times, low self-esteem is strongly indicated when these behaviors appear with regularity.
According to Brett Pelham and William Swann, Jr., they state that it appeared that people’s general sense of self-worth is determined by three distinct factors: (a) their positive and negative feelings about themselves, (b) their specific beliefs about themselves, and (c) the way that they frame these beliefs (1989).When people including children feel that they are unwanted and they do not possess the inner tools to believe in themselves, depression and isolation become a more viable solution as opposed to continuing to subject themselves to their uncomfortable environment. In the case of the LGBT's this uncomfortable environment is usually the school setting. According to the US statistics on bullying based on their most recent studies, out of the 77 percent of those bullied, 14 percent have a severe or bad reaction to the abuse. These numbers make up the students that experience poor self-esteem, depression, anxiety about going to school and even suicidal thoughts (bullycide) as a result of being bullied by their peers. According to US bullying statistics almost half of all students fear harassment or bullying in the bathroom at school. As a result of this fear and anxiety of being bullied, many students will make excuses or find ways around going to school. This withdrawal from society is one of the many factors creating an increased absence and departure from the educational system.
One of the things that society has helped foster in the LGBT community is that they are different from others and that they do not belong. This feeling of not being worthy helps to set the tone of low self-esteem within the LGBT community. However, one of the most underrated resources for assisting children who are involved in bullying is to increase their self-esteem. Some children have an innate ability to create self-esteem within themselves from a very young age. Others, usually the children engaging as the aggressor in bullying or the victim of the bullying do not know or realize that they too possess the inner qualities of high self-esteem. Whether it is based on nature or nurture, the concept of self-esteem can be brought out of the individual child. Covington(1989) reported that as the level of self-esteem increases, so do achievement scores; as self-esteem decreases, achievement scores decline. Furthermore, he concluded that self-esteem can be modified through direct instruction and that such instruction can lead to higher self-esteem and academic achievement.
Self-acceptance and self-esteem are interrelated. Self-acceptance is the approval of one's self in spite of any real or falsely conceived deficiencies that one may believe he or she possesses. It involves being sympathetic and understanding with one self through trials and tribulations and the creation of a mental space of satisfaction and happiness. It is a realistic approach to one's strengths and weaknesses and creating ways to improve or grow in areas of weakness. It is an emotional place of self-love and the toleration of everything one has within himself including their imperfections. Simply said, it is being okay with who you are as a whole.
There are various theories related to the idea that an individual’s self-esteem, self-worth or self-image is unique and that the individual creates this view of themselves as either being high or low. However their view is influenced by outside stimuli, the world around them. Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs says that esteem is the fourth level that we as individuals come to in our necessities of life. In his theory, Maslow says that self-esteem, confidence and achievement, along with respect by and for others, all come after our psychological, safety and love needs. With this understanding, self-esteem would become important in an individual's life during their preschool and early school years.
When acceptance of one self is apparent, it creates an environment where one has a greater ability to be tolerant of the differences of others. Bullying is usually based on the fact that someone or something is not like whom one perceives them to be. With self-acceptance, children are free to develop emotionally and understand the many different qualities others have even though they may not match the qualities or things in life that are natural for them. Therefore an increase in self-acceptance and greater self-esteem will create an environment of decreased bullying. The decline in bullying will create an increase in student attendance because students will feel that they are in an emotionally safe environment and recognize the need for education to continue their life goals.
Life coaching is the professional field of study that is designed to assist the client in feeling more satisfied and engaged in your life. Imagine having a life concept that was developed to help you raise your energy levels, increase your well-being and your overall sense of accomplishments. It is designed to help the client most importantly figure out 'WHO" they are. Life coaching has the benefits of helping you to overcome the feelings of learned helplessness and low self esteem. Unlike most therapeutic approaches life coaching allows the client to understand that they know what's best for them in their life and it helps the client to bring out the best in themselves.
With this concept in mind, having a child participate in coaching sessions enables the child to better develop and handle their own inner emotions and how to use those emotions to relate to the world around them. Life coaching for children will allow them at an early age to identify with their personal strengths and make the most of them. It will give them the inner tools to develop positive attitudes towards life and to turn around their negative emotions regarding themselves. Children can begin to understand how to navigate through their obstacles and enjoy a more positive, mind centered world. Through the concept of professional coaching, children can begin to create their own confidence as they realize that they possess the power within to succeed in their lives no matter what sexual orientation they are, especially in the LGBT community. The coaching relationship creates an environment for the child that will enable them to move forward in their world with clarity, focus and momentum to succeed when they come to the inner awareness that they do matter and that they do belong.
Life coaching for children can become an amazing tool for assisting children with increasing their self-confidence and self-esteem. Life coaching for children is beneficial because not only is it motivational and inspiring, but it is action driven because the client is the one doing most of the work. It also provides a positive outlet for children suffering with anxiety and ideals that they may not be able to express in other areas of their life. The coaching model for children is one that will allow the child to understand and discover who they are; find a vision of where they want to be; develop strategies of how they plan on obtaining their goals of self-acceptance; address the obstacles that may get in the way of them increasing their self-esteem and measure the results of their new found selves. Thus, life coaching for children will provide them with their own positive solutions when they look at where they are now in their lives and where they would like to be.
One of the major issues within the LGBT community is a feeling of powerlessness and whether or not they matter to others in the world. With life coaching one in the LGBT community will be able to become more confident in their chosen sexual orientation and increase their awareness of who they are. In the coach/client relationship the coach is there to support the client's efforts in reframing how they view themselves and the world around them. Through the coaching model the client/child is in control of the situation and where they want their individual lives to go. This places the child in the driver's seat with the knowledge that they as well as other factors influence their ultimate destiny in life. One of the most important benefits of introducing your child to the concept of coaching is because the major component of a good coach is that he or she listens 80% of the time to what the client is saying and only speaks about 20% of the time. This ideal is crucial for children, especially when they feel that they are not being heard by adults.
Lastly, I support the ideal of coaching for children because many in the LGBT community report that the bullying prevention programs help to encourage the continued bullying by their peers during off school hours when educators are not around because it makes them a target by having a teacher or school administrator intercede on their behalf. Most often when you envision bullying it includes the exertion of physical power being used over another. Indirect bullying which includes talking about another behind his or her back, spreading rumors and gossiping about another individual or discouraging their inclusion in certain social circles as well as cyber bullying which includes; texting, e-mail, chat rooms and other on-line social networks have become the more popular modes for conducting bullying with today's youth. Self-esteem statistics show that where self-esteem programs have been introduced into the school setting, it has been found that such programs can significantly reduce the incidence of anti-social behavior in schools, as well as reduce vandalism and the incidents of verbal or physical aggression by 40-50%. (Reasoner,1992, Borba, 1999). I support the efforts of schools across the nation in addressing the bullying issue with prevention programs, but as a life coach for children I would also strongly encourage the inclusion of coaching with an emphasis on self-esteem programs within the school setting. With the reduction of anti-social behaviors including bullying through the concept of self-esteem coaching, children will have a greater sense of self while feeling that they are self and secure to learn in their environment through the inclusion of a good bullying prevention program.
